"I Know" - an erasure poem from page 158 of David Foster Wallace’s Infinite Jest.
You can learn to enjoy your sensuality in each and every moment. Right now, listening to music, let the music vibrate the pores of your skin. Washing dishes, let the suds bathe your hands. Walking the dog, learn to enjoy being pulled. Every day there are hundreds of things you can enjoy. You can enjoy the leisureliness of a stroll, or the sweat of jogging, or the tang of a breeze. Every moment can be an experience that lets you grow in sensuality. Right now you can feel this paper, this book, this space, the sounds around you, even your own breathing. Being open to all that and with all that will gradually turn you on to life more and more.— Paula Gunn Allen, from He Na Tye Woman (via elige)
When I arrived in New Zealand, when I checked into Customs, I envisioned a timer above my head. It began counting down the three hundred and sixty-five days I had.
It’s still running, but it’s above a different person’s head.
The girl on that day reeked of airplane, giddy, silly, and wearing something ridiculous. She had the best of intentions, but she was ridiculous.
She was very sad. Very dependent on friends being around, very dependent on her ‘independence’.
I am incredibly grateful that I am here. I am incredibly grateful that I have changed.
This country has not been what I expected. This experience has been catalytic.
As it turns out, I am fairly good at cooking. It allows me to be creative enough when I don’t feel like photographing anything.
And, it seems, I often love the hike or drive more than I do the photos I take.
But I do love taking photos.
I am working on taking initiative.
I think I am almost settled into myself. I don’t worry too much, anymore.
It feels as if I found some sort of oneness, a stillness, within. That sense that you are both grounded and an important part of the world.
I give into desires.
I heckled Nick and the Powers that Be today because he won on a scratchie. ‘I’m a good person!’ As if nothing good ever happened. As if I didn’t come to a new country for one person, and was gifted both another family and a sense of self.
and today i ate a shitton of chocolate, drank a shitton, and watched a disney movie. namasfuckinte.
Love that man.
The first thing I’m gonna do when I get back into chair and belly dancing is dance to ‘Diva’.